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Zack, I am extremely proud of you – not only for achieving this high mark of completing your undergraduate degree – but even more so for setting goals and achieving them and for having the wisdom to recognize the hands of your heavenly Father Who deems you worth His greatest sacrifice and His ongoing work in you. He who loves you with a far greater love than even mine; He will sustain you as you take the next steps in your incredible life.

I know it is a bit early, but I cannot contain my pride and excitement in your great accomplishment. Mom and I love you very much and we are proud of you!

Love, Papa

Dave

Trust God’s sovereignty. For most of my life I’ve been learning and growing in my faith, and much of this growth has involved honest wrestling with significant issues. Interestingly, most Christian adults I know say the same thing about their journeys of growth.

Here’s the kicker: when we fail to give the emerging generation space to wrestle in a similar fashion, we’re basically saying to them: “We’ve already done your thinking for you–here’s the correct pre-packaged conclusion.” Many on the receiving end of such a statement would see it as insulting, as you can well imagine.

The established generation must ask itself, “Do we trust God enough to surrender the outcome to Him, walk faithfully with others, and avoid trying to manipulate the situation?”

via Four Ways to be Open-Minded Without Being a Relativist.

Relationships in our lives need time, attention, and ‘cultivation’ also. However, relationships are not as predictable as say, taking care of our lawn. There is no ‘one-to-one’ correspondence between the time we spend meeting the needs of a spouse or child as there is with fertilizing our front yard. When I put down a weed-killing spray in the spring (provided that I do it correctly), I can pretty much anticipate the effects that it will have on my turf barring any unforeseen weather-related issues. When I spend time discussing life-issues or engage in spiritual discussions with my children. I do not have any written guarantees what “soil of the heart” condition the seeds of my efforts are falling on. I cannot follow some simple list of directions to produce a joy-filled, Christ loving, healthy adult in the same manner that I can follow the directions on the back of a bag of Scotts Weed and Feed fertilizer.

Wow, does that thought leave me in a fatalistic despair? Am I completely helpless when it comes to the desired effects that I want to leave on the people I live with, play with, love and cry with? I don’t believe it has to. I do believe that human relationships take more than just a formula, a set amount of time, or some list of directions. Relationships take “blood, sweat, and tears” and a whole lot more. Disclaimer: I am no expert when it comes to relationships. I struggle to the same degree as most everyone else does. I am born with a depravity that causes me to seek my own welfare first, to make myself happy above all else or anyone else, and a sense of entitlement that makes it difficult to set aside my needs and desires and elevate the needs and desires of others. It is a basic fact, ‘there is none righteous, no not one…’

Ok so now that I have that mega hurdle to jump over before I can build stronger relationships with others, what can I do? I have no formula for that either, but I believe that dealing with my own sin nature first is a primary step if I am going to succeed with relationships. All relationships are secondary to the most important relationship that I need. I start life with a broken relationship with my Creator and until that relationship is restored, I will be ineffective cultivating other relationships. The Bible is very clear that fellowship (friendship) with Jesus Christ is the quintessential step. Nothing in our lives is more crucial than restoration with the Father through Christ. I cannot be the father, husband, son, friend, or partner that I was designed to be until I first am redeemed by my Designer. John 1:12, Romans 6:23, 2 Corinthians 5:17 are verses among others that map out for us the way back to Him.

Once my relationship with my heavenly Father is restored, I am now able to begin to “grind it out” with my human relationships. It is an enigma to me that something that feels so natural as friendships do, can also be so difficult to care for and maintain. I feel a burden both for myself as well as others that we live in a culture that emphasizes things over people. We strive and fight it out day by day in our jobs, our lives, and our play to achieve, acquire, and accomplish. Often there is little left over to give to those around us who need our attention and love to sustain them and keep them going. God did not create us for things, He created us for Himself and for each other. It is revealing to know that a day is coming for each of us when we will be separated from all possessions, wealth, and achievement and left only with relationships – with God and with others.

“Lord I want to take this one day I have today and put deliberate focus on each person You have placed in my life and make it a little bit better of a day for them. I desire to do this by Your grace for Your glory and for my joy!”

That brings me back to my own feelings of temporary loss with the absence of my son. I know he will do well – he is quite self-sufficient in spite of my efforts. But I can’t help feeling an ache in my heart with him gone. As a father, I like to feel like all my “ducks” are in a row and everyone is safe, happy, and productive. When I feel like I am losing control, I experience a flinch of panic and my father-defenses kick in. The transition of seeing your children move into adulthood is unsettling at best and for those like me, it can be downright nerve racking. I love both of my adult sons and I am quite proud of both of them. I know they haven’t “arrived” and I often think back to my own life in my late teens and early twenties and I am so glad that my young men are doing so much better that I did. I also keep returning to the truth that their heavenly Father is in control of their lives and the events that they are living through and He loves them infinitely more than I am capable of.

It still brings me back to the plain fact that goodbyes are hard and leave us feeling very vulnerable and sober. To this I simply cry:

“Ben, we are grateful for you and will miss you every day that you are away at school. I thank the Lord that He has you in His grip and He goes before every step you take. Know that you are in our hearts and in our prayers all of the time! Love, Papa”